What's Next?
by madladypoet
Summary: Takes place after Dream a Little Dream. Bobby, Sam and Dean go barhopping to try and sort out what happened. One-Shot.


_The Union—2 am_

Dean parked the 67 Impala in front of the Union, a popular university bar near the University of Pittsburgh. Although Dean always liked university bars as the best place to pick up hot chicks, tonight he was not in the mood for any action. Glancing over at Sam, it was clear that his little bro was not in the mood either. Yet neither brother knew Pittsburgh well enough to find another bar.

"Christ, Dean!" exclaimed a voice from the backseat. "Could you have picked any place that was more conspicuous?"

Turning around, Dean looked at Bobby who didn't look happy about Dean's choice of a drinking hole. Dean shrugged.

"If you know any place better," said Dean, "please share it."

Bobby sighed and then exclaimed, "Ah, hell. This is as good a place as any." With that, Bobby opened the door and got out of the car. Sam and Dean followed suit. At 2 am, the bar was hardly jumping as the last remaining drunk students staggering out. Walking in, Sam, Dean and Bobby were relieved to find that the place was practically empty. Settling into a booth, the guys ordered a round of beers. Once they arrived, all three grabbed the beers and drank deeply. Usually chatty, the guys seemed to ignore each other, seeming lost in their own thoughts.

_Bobby_

Bobby took several deep drinks of his beer and looked over at Sam and Dean. Christ, he thought, these kids should have never had to live this life. They deserved to have their own lives. Sam, thought Bobby, should be in law school right now, engaged to his girl, getting ready to buy a house in the burbs. Bobby always thought that Sam would have made a great father and husband. Dean was a little bit of a different story. Bobby figured that Dean would always be a wild one unable to settle down with any one woman, but John always argued that Dean would settle down once he found the right girl. John loved talking about his boys, reflected Bobby, and always admitted how proud he was of them. Bobby knew that Sam and Dean didn't believe that, but John never wanted this life for them, something he always said to Bobby.

Yet, thought Bobby, John did very little to change their circumstances and often made it difficult for the boys to lead their own lives. Sam eventually broke away and made his own life, however brief it was, but Dean forever struggled to come out from under his father's shadow. Looking at Dean, Bobby wondered what Dean may have seen in his dreams. Did Dean dream of having a family? Did Dean dream of his mother? Of John? Noticing the dark circles under his eyes and wary look on Dean's face, Bobby figured the young man saw something that woke him up to fight for his life. Bobby was glad to hear it and he was determined to do whatever possible to fight for Dean's life. Although he never openly admitted it, Bobby thought of John's boys as his own. Bobby never got the chance to be a father, something he realized was probably a blessing in disguise, but he was extremely moved that Dean thought of him as a father. Grabbing his second beer, Bobby chugged it down hard. He had always wanted kids but had waited a long time to get married. He had wanted to get married for the right reasons, and he found those reasons in Fiona.

Fiona, just thinking of her made it difficult for Bobby to breathe. They had scarcely been married a year when she became possessed. At first, Bobby thought she was just ill, but then she began exhibiting extremely violent behavior, leaving Bobby with no choice but to kill the love of his life. Bobby flexed his hand and still remembered the blade going into his wife's body. As she exhaled her last breathe, Bobby saw black smoke leave her and realized that his wife was possessed by some supernatural force. An autopsy later revealed traces of a sulphuric residue in her blood and although the police were suspicious, no charges were ever filed against Bobby due to lack of motive. Soon after, Bobby became one of an army of demon hunters, saving lives and keeping the encroaching darkness at bay. Usually that was enough to keep Bobby going, but now he had to wonder, Was it worth it? Did the sacrifices that he, Sam, Dean and others like them make any real difference? Wasn't this world going to hell anyway? Didn't people like Bela always seem to succeed despite the best efforts of people like himself?

Christ, thought Bobby, he should have kept better guard against Bela. When she said that he, Bobby, had saved her life in Flagstaff, he should have known that had never happened. Functioning on no sleep for two days, Bobby had been unable to think clearly. Plus, he had underestimated Bela, something the Winchester brothers seem to do a lot themselves. Bobby laughed to himself, the power of a beautiful woman. Looking at Sam and Dean, he wondered which brother Bela had slept with—Sam or Dean. For some reason, Bobby hedged his bets on Sam. He had no idea why other than Sam seemed to be following in his brother's footsteps. Grabbing his third beer, Bobby knew that Sam was not Dean and Bobby hoped that Dean would get out of his deal because Bobby was uncertain if Sam would survive emotionally without his brother. Cracking it open, Bobby sighed, it was going to be long couple of months.

_Sam_

What's wrong with me? thought Sam. How could I have a dream like that about her? Just the thought of that dream made Sam feel dirty, yet aroused at the same time. Frustrated, Sam took a swing of his beer and tried to work it out. Bela had shot him and stolen from the brothers more times than he could remember. Even worse, she was not really his type. He didn't go for the bad girls the way that Dean did. Maybe Dean was right, Sam thought, maybe he really needed to get laid.

Yeah, thought Sam sarcastically as he finished his beer, because that worked out so well for me the last time. Closing his eyes, Sam could still see himself shooting Madison. She was sitting in her living room, staring at Sam with pleading eyes. Before he pulled the trigger, Madison smiled at him as if she was trying to comfort him. The sound of the shots rang in Sam's ears for days, yet as his father had always taught him, Sam quickly cleaned the gun and placed it in Madison's hand. Afterwards, he and Dean quickly cleaned up the place, taking with them the bedroom sheets and any other trace of Sam in the apartment. Sam had been unable to speak for days and even his brother Dean had been careful not to make any wisecracks around Sam.

Grabbing his second beer, Sam knew that in the department of romance he was a complete failure. He had let down the two women in his life, Jessica and Madison, he had fallen in love with and wanted to protect. At this point, Sam realized that he was better off from falling in love. Maybe, he thought cracking open his beer, that explained why Dean would never allow himself to have a real relationship. Taking a long swing of his beer, Sam realized something else: none of Dean's ex flames had died. Cassie, Lisa and even little Jo with her crush on Dean, had survived and even thrived. Every woman Sam had ever loved died a hideous death, including his mom. Maybe it was his fate to hurt the women he loved. Taking a swing of his beer, Sam reflected somewhat morosely that as a guy who was handpicked to lead a demon army the chances of having a relationship where his girl didn't get killed was pretty slim. So, he thought, maybe he was better off on his own until this war ended.

Still, that didn't explain his dream about Bela.

Thinking back to his psychology classes at Stanford, Sam realized that his dream about Bela had less to do with any real attraction to her than it did about having some sort of connection to another person, however, superficial that connection turned out to be. Looking at Dean, who was barely awake at this point, Sam finally realized why his brother had so many one night stands: it was about having that connection. Or in Dean's case, two people at a time. Sam swallowed a mouthful of beer and tried to erase the image walking in on Dean with the twins from his mind. Sam had to hand it to Dean; he was pretty sure that he couldn't handle two at once. Yet, Sam had to admit that tonight's revelation had been a surprise: his older brother was a romantic at heart. The disclosure--that Dean had secretly dreamed of Lisa and Ben and a life with them--had made Sam sigh with relief. Just maybe, Sam thought at the time, this will force Dean to care about himself and save himself.

Reflecting on his dream of Bela, Sam knew that his mind had picked her because she was beautiful and the only real woman he had encountered in a while. He preferred to put aside the memories of Mrs. Case who spent the entire evening pawing him. There is not enough beer, thought Sam, to ever cope with that memory.

Putting aside thoughts of Bela, Sam looked over at his brother Dean. Dean was fighting to stay awake and slowly working through his first beer. Sam had no idea what happened to Dean while he was fighting Jeremy, and he figured he would never know since Dean would never tell, but Sam's heart nearly broke when Dean admitted that he didn't want to die. No matter what, Sam was determined to save his brother. Even if it meant that Sam had to give his own life. The way he figured it, Dean had a better chance at a normal life anyway and with all the sacrifices his brother made for him since they were kids, Sam knew that he owed it to Dean to give him a chance at a real life.

_Dean_

Dean could barely stay awake. Unable to sleep for two days, Dean felt himself wanting to collapse with exhaustion, yet the shock of his dreamwalk into his subconscious had scared him awake. Holding onto his first beer, Dean leaned back against the hard cushions of the booth and wondered how many more chances he was going to have to have a beer with Bobby and Sam. He was grateful to his brother and his adopted father for being there for him, although as always, Dean never wanted to admit that he needed anyone. It was one of the lessons he learned from his father: don't get too close to anyone for they will always leave you. Great lesson dad, thought Dean with derision.

His confrontation with his inner demon had revealed feelings that Dean had suppressed for years. While he had spent years on the road with his father, trying to prove himself worthy to be called John Winchester's son, Dean had secretly desired another life. One where he didn't have the responsibility of fighting in his father's private war or where he didn't have to practically raise his kid brother on his own. Although Dean made forays out on his own after he graduated from high school, he always found his way back to going on the road with his father. Daddy's blunt little instrument, thought Dean, always needed Daddy's approval.

Looking at his brother, Dean had to admire Sam for moving out on his own and even for a while, making his own life. Although Dean missed his brother, for John Winchester was not exactly great company, Dean was proud to have a brother in an ivy league school. He hated it when Sam had to rejoin him on the road. Despite all of their problems, Dean felt closer to Sam than he had felt in a long time. If he was going to die in a few months, then he was at least grateful to have gotten closer to his kid brother.

Closing his eyes with exhaustion, Dean saw the image of his inner demon, smiling at him with black eyes and snapping his fingers. Forcing his eyes open, Dean wondered if he was ever going to sleep again. "This is what you are going to become." whispered the demon. Just my luck, thought Dean, to become the very thing he had spent his life hunting. Ruby had told him that demons were not born; they were made as the result of humans falling from grace. Oh, I have fallen alright, thought Dean, thanks to dad, I've fallen so far that I cannot get up.

"Stop your whining boy" Dean recalled his dad saying to him time and again. Taking a swallow of his beer, Dean tried to stop his father's voice from coming into his head, but he now knew it would always be there. Maybe, Dean thought, I can find a way to block it out. But Dean knew as hard he tried, he could never block out his subconscious dream of Lisa and Ben. Declining Lisa's offer to stay, Dean had thought about what he was leaving behind every day since. He was smart enough not to fool himself into thinking that he was in love with Lisa or that Ben was his son. It was the appeal of having a family of his own. Of having a wife who loved him or a son he could raise much differently than John had raised him and Sam. Swallowing another sip of beer, Dean had never felt worthy of a family of his own, confronting his inner demon have given Dean something he hadn't had since mom died: hope. For the next few months, thought Dean, he was going to fight to stay alive.

_Three hours later_

Sam, Dean and Bobby exited the bar at closing. They had practically cleaned out the bar of its beer and Bobby left a big tip for the waitress who had been impatiently waiting for them to leave. Sam had gotten drunk enough that he tried to hit on her, much to Dean and Bobby's amusement, but a firm rebuff and the threat of her big bartender boyfriend had forced the guys to call it a night. As the only sober one, Bobby had offered to drive and to his surprise Dean handed him the keys to the Impala. Getting in the back, Dean stretched out in the backseat while Sam gingerly climbed into the passenger seat and leaned his head back against the seat. Bobby started the engine and the Impala roared to life. Looking at the boys, Bobby grinned and asked, "Now what?"


End file.
